Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Piss Ants, Part 3


To: The G
From: Queen

OMFG, it stinks like a frat house mattress up in here, can’t something be done? My girls are milking aphids at this very moment, hoping that our little bug cows oozing sweet nectar might mask the awful stank. Did our human neighbors buy a race horse?

From the smell of it, almost every fucking tunnel is probably piss mud and dead workers. I expect this mess to be cleaned up and smell gone by nightfall. If you need replacements, I’m definitely up for another gangbang.

Too bad you missed the last one, it was a wash – get it? I’m getting my ass banged off and suddenly there’s a major piss storm. Too soon? Anyway, two of the soldiers ended up with whiskey dick after taking more than their share of nectar since several of the workers didn’t drink, being Mormon or something. The drunks were passed off to some milk maids who had their way with them, you must have heard their thoraxes pop, LMAO.

So yeah, chop chop, Mon Generale, in Chines and in French, the reek of this latest disaster is giving me a headache but not so much that I’ll offer a raincheck on putting my legs in the air. So, if we’ve become someone’s toilet, let’s get out of his potty place, at least move our entrances to a more discrete spot. After all, it’s become obvious that, the more our mounds are out there, the more mine are as well.

To: The Queen
From: The General

I am choked with rage at this latest assault, Your Highness, your safety and concern are my highest priorities. To those ends, I am deeply sorry that you endure this odor and I assure you that we will have the problem fixed well before nightfall. We already have three entrances open and they have been located well into the grass. In addition, we are simultaneously closing tunnels that were flooded in order to eliminate the stench.

Of course, trailways within lawn makes for slower gathering and, while it camouflages our location, it obscures our line of sight for other mounds. As I said, however, your safety and peace of mind are my raison d'ĂȘtre and moving our entrances within the shade of the lawn is well worth your well-being.

 To catch you up: It appears that a human adult intentionally assaulted the colony with his own urine, several times throughout the night; he was no random pisser. It seems entrances were specifically targeted, leading to flooding that exceeded our flood channeling designs; his water was, simply speaking, turned into a weapon of mass destruction. By the end of the first assault, all egress and ingress routes had been completely destroyed, stranding almost a third of the colony from access to the rest of us. Unfortunately, as attacks continued throughout the night, more and more tunnels were flooded.

After digging out an exit by first light, I surveyed the area to see that our perimeter center had been flooded but most extensively at all holes where deep craters had been pounded into the ground. Of the dead, 39 drowned, many seemingly intentionally as corpses were buried deep into mud, as well as 17 soldiers, burned to death. We saved you several burned bodies and fed the rest of the dead to victims stranded in the first tunnels that were flooded.

Finally, we will need more soldiers. Reports say he wears flip-flops and we have employed tactics for attacking his feet. We’re good on workers, so you’ll just have soldiers tonight.

Again, I apologize for allowing our queen mother’s sweet essence to be polluted by some maniac’s whiz.

To: G
From: Ur Queen Mother

NP. Send those boys up for some Queen Mama jelly roll and her sweet essence. Ha, that sounds like the name for an R&B band. All soldiers, that’s good, I like a military party from time to time. Honoring their service by having them service me. The workers will be missed, though – I like how rough they are!